Jennifer Knapp and the Suffering Christian Life

I wanted to address this topic the same way I have from the beginning. Stop! the Bridge is Out!
Jennifer Knapp is somebodies child that made a choice to cross the bridge that is washed out with sin. Can I love Jennifer and still call homosexual a sin against God? Can I express my care for her to tell her that she made not have heard the Gospel before, nor question that she truly repented and placed her complete trust in Jesus Christ as her only and highest Treasure. Here is an article from Charles White in 2000.

Jennifer Knapp --- The Way She Is

Ten years ago, something amazing happened to Jennifer Knapp. This event caused her to begin a journey that would lead her around the United States and to distant lands like Estonia and the Dominican Republic. It would lead her to take up her guitar and become both a popular and critically acclaimed figure in the recording industry. It would cause her to examine who she is and what she believes. What happened to Jennifer Knapp ten years ago? Jennifer saw God and it changed her life forever.


Jennifer was born and raised in the state of Kansas. At the age of three, her mother and father divorced. She spent the remainder of her childhood living with her father and stepmother and had little contact with her biological mother. At the age of 18, Jennifer earned a music scholarship to attend Pittsburgh State University in Kansas. During her freshman year, Jennifer found her self at a low point in her life. She was spending hundreds of dollars a month on alcohol, unable to realize what she was doing to herself.

“When I was a teenager, I was pretty angry and bitter. I liked to party, so I drank a lot, I smoked several packs of cigarettes a day at my worst, and I fell in the area of sexual purity. When I started college at the age of 18, I was at the bottom of my low. I had nothing left. I had no idea who I was half the time and how to get to my own home. I set out to abuse my body because I didn't care about life."


In the midst of the alcohol and her self-abusive lifestyle, Jennifer saw God in the person of a neighbor. Jennifer reflected on this in a recent interview. “In the midst of this behavior during my freshman year, there was a girl living across the hall from me who simply loved me day after day with the love of Christ. I thought she was geeky for being a Christian, but time and time again, she’d put me to bed when I’d come home and not know which room was mine because I was so drunk.”

These countless acts of mercy by her neighbor and dozens of other Christian schoolmates caused her to take a hard look at how she was living her life. In these Christians, Jennifer saw something different, something special. "I ran into some people that I could just see differences in their lives. It was like they were talking about a trusted friend." Jennifer found a group of people that were excited to be alive. Their peace, joy and belief in God touched her.

This caused her to struggle for many months to determine what she believed. As she struggled, she remembered the powerful witness of her neighbor and her Christian schoolmates. This led her to eventually turn to prayer and the Holy Scripture for answers. "The more I prayed and the more I read the Word, the more it started to make sense to me. More than that, I felt like I was hearing from a living God."

The result of her struggle was a deep awareness of Christ's presence in her life and a desire to live a life in Christ. This struggle also helped her to see how self-destructive she had become. With the aid of friends and the power of her faith, Jennifer began a long journey to kick her addiction to alcohol and tobacco; a long battle that she eventually won.

With her dedication to Christ came a change in her music. Music became a way for her to share her joy and her faith in God. It became a way for her to share the love of Christ with others, just as her neighbor had done for her on countless occasions. "Wherever you go, people are largely the same. They want to be loved, they've experienced hurt and heartaches and they want to be encouraged and music is a great way to do that."

Her hard work and dedication have earned her the accolades of fans and garnered her critical acclaim. At the 1999 Dove Awards, Jennifer was honored as the Dove Award's "New Artist of the Year" and captured an award for "Rock Song of the Year." Her debut album, Kansas, spent eighty weeks among the top 25 on the Christian charts. This same year she received a Billboard video award and was invited to join Lilith Fair.

2000 brought her similar success. Her second release, Lay It Down, has been certified as Gold and has earned her a Grammy nomination as the only female artist in the Best Rock Gospel Album category. Lay It Down was hailed by Amazon.com as one of its critically chosen 10 best Christian and Gospel CDs of 2000.

Her hard work is not confined to music, however. Remembering the example of her neighbor in college, Jennifer works to touch the lives of others through her work with organizations at home and abroad. Jennifer constantly performs work with international philanthropic agencies in countries such as Estonia or the Dominican Republic. At home, she has worked with Children's hospitals, Mercy Ministries, Ronald McDonald House and various Children and Women's shelters. "It has shown me that God does some pretty amazing things."

As one listens to the powerful lyrics and haunting melodies of Jennifer Knapp, you hear not the ringing of the cash register, but the cries of someone who continues to struggle each day with her faith. As she struggles, she cannot help but share her life and her belief with others. It is her conviction and willingness to continually wrestle with her faith that makes both her music and her presence a powerful witness to the awesome power and love of Jesus Christ. In her music, we can hear echoes of the psalmist who wrote, "Give me the joy of your saving help again and sustain me with your bountiful Spirit. Open my lips, O Lord and my mouth shall proclaim your praise."

Here is part of the Larry King interview with Jennifer Knapp.

Why did you stop singing?

KNAPP: Oh, that's a long story.

KING: Shorten it.

KNAPP: Well, I'd done about three records. And I got fairly burnt out. I was doing about 150 shows a year for about three or four years. And I just didn't know why I was doing it anymore. I lost the joy of what I was doing. So, I really decided I needed a break.

KING: Did you know early on you were gay?

KNAPP: No, I wouldn't have put it that way.

KING: When -- was there a realization?

KNAPP: Yes, when I fell in love with a beautiful woman. That was a pretty good indicator. But I was -- at the time I was actually involved in sharing my faith in music. I was celibate for 10 years.

So, I really kind of put my own personal desires out the window and kind of put all that to the side. And it wasn't until I actually met someone that was really quite difficult for me to ignore anymore.

Did her right to be loved and to love become the test that she was really Born Again? The fact that If she continued to be celibate she would have to give up her rights. The fact that her personal desires were put aside for 10 years.
Was it time to say enough to the One who took the Wrath of God on the Cross for her sin nature, for her law breaking (ten Commandments) so she would not have to be punished Eternity in Hell. Do we have the right to say Stop! This is too much! If she didn't summit to her feelings toward this other women. Isn't that a small right to give up for the incredible love that was displayed on the cross for her sin? The fact that the Christian life and suffering go hand in hand is denied in modern Christianity today. Please take a look at this video of John Piper talking to young people the same as Jennifer Knapp. After seeing this message I wished so much that Jennifer would have been their also.

The Suffering Christian

PASTOR BOB BOTSFORD, SR. PASTOR, HORIZON CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP: He was in the interview also and this was in the closing moments of the interview:

KING: Why point a finger at Jennifer?

BOTSFORD: Jennifer is in a position of great influence. A lot of people look to her life. I wouldn't want her example or lifestyle --

KNAPP: You don't want the young teenage girl that's sitting in your congregation, who says, gosh I think I might have to choose between my sexuality and my faith -- you want her to choose faith.

BOTSFORD: I do. I want you to choose faith.

KNAPP: You want her to deny any part of her process, to go through the process of shame without truly discover -- let's say that she doesn't want to choose to be homosexual. At which point does that become honest, because you guilted her into don't be like Jen?

BOTSFORD: I am just coming back to the Bible. Clearly God has an opinion on this issue. I'm just wanting to stand up for the truth of God's word.

KNAPP: I will repeat to you what I said to you back stage, that the next time you want to talk about an example of what you actually need to teach to your followers, please use the words "this is the congregation and how we are going to talk about homosexuality within our church." Don't use my name -- do not use my name as a substitute for the word homosexuality.

BOTSFORD: Listen, I am to be a light in a dark place. There is a lot of justification now. Let's just open up our arms of grace and welcome Jen back into the Christian community.

KNAPP: When was I gone? Where did I go?

In this closing video Greg Koukl gives the Biblical understanding of Homosexuality. Not Cultural, not emotional understanding but a straight text understanding from the Bible.

Please Pray for Jennifer. The Gospel is still available

When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy

It has been a while since I read this book by John Piper. I first read it after my sister told me that she had cancer along with her chronic respiratory disease. And about a few months after finishing my failed treatment for liver disease. I traveled by bus to go see her and other family members. I some how heard about this book called When I don't Desire God: How to fight for Joy. So I wanted to read it on the trip. I knew my history of low times and depressed times. Most of all when I do not feel well. I had just recently heard that I was created for God's Glory and not for my own. So I really wanted to show His Glory when I felt sick and miserable. I mean, why not. Is it possible? Why does my Joy for God have to depend on how I physically feel. So I started to read this book. A few months later I listen to the audio and years later I bought the dvd
I would like to share this with you. May this challenge you the way it did my thinking.
Here is a little of the first chapter of the book But I encourage you to get the book an let the scriptures inside transform you into someone that shows joy to glorify God.

HOW CHRISTIAN LIVING BECAME IMPOSSIBLE
This discovery was devastating to me. It still is. I was made to know and
enjoy God. I was freed by the doctrine of Christian Hedonism to pursue
that knowledge and that joy with all my heart. And then, to my dismay,
I discovered that it is not an easy doctrine. Christian Hedonism is not a
lowering of the bar. Out of the blue, as it were, I realized that the bar had
been raised. Manageable, duty-defined, decision-oriented, willpower
Christianity now seemed easy, and real Christianity had become impossible.
The emotions—or affections, as former generations called them—
which I was now free to enjoy, proved to be beyond my reach. The
Christian life became impossible. That is, it became supernatural.
Now there was only one hope, the sovereign grace of God. God
would have to transform my heart to do what a heart cannot make itself
do, namely, want what it ought to want. Only God can make the
depraved heart desire God. Once when Jesus’ disciples wondered about
the salvation of a man who desired money more than God, he said to
them, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are
possible with God” (Mark 10:27). Pursuing what we want is possible.
It is easy. It is a pleasant kind of freedom. But the only freedom that lasts
is pursuing what we want when we want what we ought. And it is devastating
to discover we don’t, and we can’t.
THE MOST COMMON QUESTION I HAVE RECEIVED
This is why the most common and desperate question I have received
over the last three decades is: What can I do? How can I become the kind
of person the Bible is calling me to be? The question comes from an
aching in the heart that rises from the hope of great joy. People listen to
the biblical arguments for Christian Hedonism, or they read Desiring
God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist.3 Many are persuaded. They
see that the truth and beauty and worth of God shine best from the lives
of saints who are so satisfied in God they can suffer in the cause of love
without murmuring. But then they say, “That’s not who I am. I don’t
have that kind of liberating, love-producing, risk-taking satisfaction in
God. I desire comfort and security more than God.” Many say it with
tears and trembling.
Some are honest enough to say, “I don’t know if I have ever tasted
this kind of desire. Christianity was never presented to me like this. I
never knew that the desire for God and delight in God were crucial. I
was always told that feelings didn’t matter. Now I am finding evidence
all over the Bible that that the pursuit of joy in God, and the awakening
of all kinds of spiritual affections, are part of the essence of the newborn
Christian heart. This discovery excites me and frightens me. I want this.
But I fear I don’t have it. In fact, as far as I can see, it is outside my power
to obtain. How do you get a desire that you don’t have and you can’t
create? Or how do you turn the spark into a flame so that you can be
sure it is pure fire?”

IT WILL NOT BE AN EASY JOURNEY TOWARD JOY
I take this task seriously. Our journey in this book is not across easy
territory. There are dangers on all sides. Spiritual desires and delights
are not commodities to be bought and sold. They are not objects to be
handled. They are events in the soul. They are experiences of the heart.
They have connections and causes in a hundred directions. They are
interwoven with the body and the brain, but are not limited to the physical
or mental. God himself, without body or brain, experiences a full
array of spiritual affections—love, hate, joy, anger, zeal, etc. Yet our
affections are influenced by our bodies and brains. No one but God can
get to the bottom of these things. “For the inward mind and heart of a
man are deep!” (Ps. 64:6); and not just deep, but depraved: “The heart
is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand
it?” (Jer. 17:9).
So the answer to the question, “What should I do when I don’t
desire God?” is not simple. But it is crucial. The apostle Paul said, “If
anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed” (1 Cor. 16:22).
Love is not a mere choice to move the body or the brain. Love is also an
experience of the heart. So the stakes are very high. Christ is to be cherished,
not just chosen. The alternative is to be cursed. Therefore life is
serious. And so is this book.

THE AIM IS NOT TO SOFTEN CUSHIONS,
BUT SUSTAIN SACRIFICE
The misunderstanding of this book that I want most to avoid is that I
am writing to make well-to-do Western Christians comfortable, as if the
joy I have in mind is psychological icing on the cake of already superficial
Christianity. Therefore let me say clearly here at the beginning that
the joy I write to awaken is the sustaining strength of mercy, missions,
and martyrdom.
Even as I write this sentence Christians are being hacked to death
outside Kano, Nigeria. Yesterday a twenty-six-year-old American businessman
was beheaded in Iraq by terrorists. Why him? He just happened
to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This kind of death will
increase especially for Christians. In Sudan water is systematically withheld
from Christians as they die of thirst and malnutrition, while desperate
attempts to visit wells are met with murder, rape, or kidnapping.
Fresh reports come every month concerning the destruction of Christian
churches and the arrest of pastors in China. In the last decade over five
hundred Christian churches have been destroyed in Indonesia.
Missionaries are at risk all over the world.
When I address the question, “What should I do if I don’t desire
God?” I am addressing the question: “How can I obtain or recover a joy
in Christ that is so deep and so strong that it will free me from bondage
to Western comforts and security, and will impel me into sacrifices of
mercy and missions, and will sustain me in the face of martyrdom?”
Persecution is normal for Christians. “All who desire to live a godly life
in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Tim. 3:12). “Beloved, do not be
surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though
something strange were happening to you” (1 Pet. 4:12). “Through
many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22).
In the New Testament this sobering truth does not diminish the
focus on joy—it increases it. “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that
suffering produces endurance” (Rom. 5:3). “Blessed are you when others
. . . persecute you. . . . Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great
in heaven” (Matt. 5:11-12). “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you
meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith
produces steadfastness” (Jas. 1:2-3). “They left the presence of the council,
rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the
name” (Acts 5:41).
The fight for joy in Christ is not a fight to soften the cushion of
Western comforts. It is a fight for strength to live a life of self-sacrificing
love. It is a fight to join Jesus on the Calvary road and stay there with
him, no matter what. How was he sustained on that road? Hebrews
12:2 answers, “For the joy that was set before him [he] endured the
cross.” The key to endurance in the cause of self-sacrificing love is not
heroic willpower, but deep, unshakable confidence that the joy we have
tasted in fellowship with Christ will not disappoint us in death. Sacrifices
in the path of love were sustained in the New Testament not by
willpower, but by joyful hope. “You had compassion on those in prison,
and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you
knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one”
(Heb. 10:34).
The aim of this book is not to salve the conscience of well-to-do
Western acquisition. The aim is to sustain love’s ability to endure sacrificial
losses of property and security and life, by the power of joy in the
path of love. The aim is that Jesus Christ be made known in all the world
as the all-powerful, all-wise, all-righteous, all-merciful, all-satisfying
Treasure of the universe.
This will happen when Christians don’t just say that Christ is valuable,
or sing that Christ is valuable, but truly experience in their hearts
the unsurpassed worth of Jesus with so much joy that they can say, “I
count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing
Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8). Christ will be glorified in the world
when Christians are so satisfied in him that they let goods and kindred
go and lay down their lives for others in mercy, missions, and, if necessary,
martyrdom. He will be magnified most among the nations when,
at the moment Christians lose everything on earth, they say, “To live is
Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).
“Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach
he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is
to come” (Heb. 13:13-14). This we will do for the joy that is set before
us. And this joy will hold us and keep us, if we have tasted it and fought
to make it the supreme experience of our lives. Christ is supremely glorious
and supremely valuable. Therefore he is worth the fight.

The Heart of Grief and Pain

Everyone of us will at some time will experience some type of pain and lost. Pastor Grey Laurie's son dies in a car accident in 2008 at the age of 33. Steven Curtis Chapman's five year old daughter Maria Sue was killed when her older brother backed the family vehicle over her that same year.
In this video they share their hearts and how the Lord was there through it all.

Part 1

Part 2